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Pirateopedia: Billy-Bob I of Petland

by
May 26, 2010
Not-So-Jolly Roger, Spineless Fiction
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Born: 2061 as Billy-Bob Nelson of Kentucky.

Family: One son, Skywalker? (b. 2083) with his first (brief and hopefully last) wife Conzuela Miranda de la Cruz, a former princess Leia look-alike. Conzuela left Billy-Bob soon after the birth of Skywalker and left her son behind to grow up as the rightful heir of Petland. Conzuela has since had a sex change and is currently living on the island of Transatlantis in No Man’s Land as Rico Fantastico.

Early life: Billy-Bob I of Petland began his days as Billy-Bob Nelson of Kentucky. He grew up on a farm and his father wanted him to become a farmer like generations of Billy-Bobs before him. This Billy-Bob, however, lifted his gaze from the dark soil and aimed for the stars. The stars of The Kentucky Honky Tonk Roadshow, that is. He fell in love with a certain Miss Twinkle, who let him tag along to Nashville.

In Nashville, Billy-Bob was cruelly dumped by Miss Twinkle for one of the other chorus girls and he found concolation in his long time hobby: encrypting. Well, it wasn’t encrypting per se. It was a local Kentucky dialect, but no-one understood it, so he made himself a fortune. He took the money he had earned and bought a yacht. Unfortunately, Billy-Bob was just as bad a sailor as he was a farmer. So, somewhere in The Pacific, he sailed straight into a massive pile of rubbish and capsized. He spent four months on a pile of PET bottles and got so fond of them, he decided to build an island out of them and make it his home and kingdom.

Career: Well, going from being Kentucky’s worst farmer to become a king is some sort of career move, isn’t it?

Misc: King Billy-Bob likes to sport his strut in way too small Speedos and a pair of sun faded, pink flip-flops.

Anna Troberg

Anna Troberg är verksamhetschef för Wikimedia Sverige och författare, men bland de karaktärsdanande ungdomssynderna kan hon räkna några år som bokförlagschef och ett förflutet som partiledare för Piratpartiet. Hennes humoristiska roman "Chefer från helvetet" är publicerad i Sverige, Norge och Finland. Hennes motto är: "Life is pain. Get used to it ... or make it better!" Åsikterna på bloggen är hennes egna.

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