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Pirateopedia: Kat Blofeld

by
May 26, 2010
Not-So-Jolly Roger, Spineless Fiction
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Born: 2084

Family: Daughter of David and Lorna Blofeld, who both died in a violent collision between their TV-sofa and the bulldozer that their daughter was driving.

Early life: Kat grew up in a small town in Main. She was a happy little girl until the day her parents decided to buy her a blue bike instead of the pink one that she had been longing to have for ages. The conflict exploded and the 6 year old Kat was finally sent to her room by her father who just wanted to watch the evening news in peace and quiet.

However, up in Kat’s room thoughts of revenge started brewing and since she was a creative little girl, she quickly came up with a crafty plan for how to get rid of her problems, i.e. her parents. She climbed out of her window, and headed off and fetched a bulldozer from a nearby farm. Then, she swiftly drove the bulldozer straight into the living-room, turned off the TV permanently and squashed her parents between the coffee-table and the sofa.

All in all, it was a great plan. The bulldozer thing was deemed a freak accident and the poor little orphan that had supposedly been sleeping upstairs through it all got everybody’s sympathy. The local church choir even collected enough money to buy her the pink bike of her dreams. She used to go out on long bike rides, biking up and down the hills of Main, singing “Born to be Wild” at the top of her lungs.

Career: The local church choir didn’t only collect enough money to buy Kat her pink bike. In fact, they also collected enough money to send her off to quite fancy schools and a nice college. Part of their fervour to collect money for the girl was due to Kat’s fervour to collect useful information about The Voices of Angels Church Choir members and her eagerness to spread it all around town if she felt that their generosity was failing.

Kat wanted to be rich and what better way than to work for the richest man in the world? She arranged a meeting with Willie Gates VII (or rather, she bumped in to him outside Megasmooth’s main office after having spent three weeks in a hedge waiting on him). When their eyes met, they both knew that they had found their soulmate and after a brief lunch, Willie immediately hired her as his personal assistant. Her first job was to escort Roger out of the main office and kick him out the door. A job she enjoyed disturbingly much.

Misc: Kat still enjoys driving heavy duty machinery and this skill often comes in handy when working for Willie.

Anna Troberg

Anna Troberg är verksamhetschef för Wikimedia Sverige och författare, men bland de karaktärsdanande ungdomssynderna kan hon räkna några år som bokförlagschef och ett förflutet som partiledare för Piratpartiet. Hennes humoristiska roman "Chefer från helvetet" är publicerad i Sverige, Norge och Finland. Hennes motto är: "Life is pain. Get used to it ... or make it better!" Åsikterna på bloggen är hennes egna.

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