Pirateopedia: Roger "Not-So-Jolly Roger" Bonny

May 26, 2010
Not-So-Jolly Roger, Spineless Fiction
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Born: 2069 as Roger Bonny in Boston to a proud and loud Irish mother and a less proud and loud Irish-American father.

Family: No kids (as far as he knows). One ex-wife, the now Fiona Gates (born Good, but Roger thinks she’s all bad). She told Roger he was “the worst excuse for a man ever” and left him for fame, fortune and a little Willie. (Willie Gates VII, that is.)

Early life: Roger grew up in Boston and is “more Irish than a leprechaun” according to his proud Irish mother. At five, he could do a jig, play the tin whistle and holler “The Wild Rover” louder than anyone else in the local pub. Despite all that, he never managed to learn how to pronounce his mother’s Irish name (Aoibhe Ní Mhuirchú), so he still just calls her “Mam”.

Despite his difficulty pronouncing his mothers name, Roger turned out to be a fairly gifted child and got admitted to The Soda-Cola Kindergarten for Bubbly Kids. Later, he went on to Soda-Cola University in Soda Town where he had to share his dorm room with his old kindergarten foe and later wife snatcher, Willie Gates VII.

Career: After graduating from Soda-Cola University with a degree in APP (Applied Programming and Propaganda), he went on to work for MegaSmooth Software. They had after all paid his tuition and had promised him a good position if he agreed to help little Willie get friends and become a “normal” student.

Roger’s wonderful career at MegaSmooth ended abruptly the day little Willie marched in to the board room armed with a mighty file of personal information about all the board members and mysteriously was unanimously chosen to become the company’s new omnipotent leader.

Little Willie had always resented Roger as he had gotten all the babes at college, so he staged a horrible revenge that included stripping Roger of all his titles and perks, and then swiftly moved on to stripping Roger’s perky wife, Fiona.

Roger embarked on a brief career as “entertainment” for bored and filthy rich ladies on board the MS Love Haven (or the MS Love Handle as Roger and his mates on board used to call it). He was finally thrown off the MS Love Haven due to an unpaid gaming debt and ended up on the beach of Petland.

Misc: Roger has a mean golf swing. In fact it’s so mean that he once knocked little Willie off his feet and sent him to the ER where he got seven stitches. Thus, Roger’s mean swing is indeed the cause of the characteristical scar above little Willies left eye, that always glows red when he gets excited.

Anna Troberg

Anna Troberg är verksamhetschef för Wikimedia Sverige och författare, men bland de karaktärsdanande ungdomssynderna kan hon räkna några år som bokförlagschef och ett förflutet som partiledare för Piratpartiet. Hennes humoristiska roman "Chefer från helvetet" är publicerad i Sverige, Norge och Finland. Hennes motto är: "Life is pain. Get used to it ... or make it better!" Åsikterna på bloggen är hennes egna.

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